Sunday, May 21, 2006

New Edition Kept It HOT Tonight!!!

The New Edition concert I attended tonight was super spectacular. I'm too tired to provide a full review, but I just want to say that what I saw tonight was real music. All this bull'ish' that is out now needs to be shut down. I don't need to hear ignorance set to music, I really don't! I've been down with New Edition since day one and since I've seen the future (Nelly, Lil Jon, Ying Yang Idiots) I'm sticking with the real deal. If you haven't listened to your NE records in a while, dig them out of the crates and listen - it's like riding a bike. Once you hear Cool It Now, you'll remember the greatness that is, Ralph, Ronnie, Bobby (Johnny), Ricky & Mike.

Free Biscuits & Gravy

“Ol’ man say there’s a farm bout 2-3 miles from here. Said uh… there’s a lady over there give him biscuits and gravy. She said if he bring his friend, she feed him too.”
Denzel Washington as Tripp in Glory

You think that’s the word in Mexico? That there’s a dumb bitch named America that will give you biscuits and gravy if you can get to her farm? What a stupid whore she would have to be to feed somebody else’s children before she feeds her own? I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m angry. And no, I’m not an “angry Black woman;” I’m a Black woman that’s angry. Simple as that! You might however find surprise at who I’m most angry with. While the powers that be (the White men in charge) find themselves running a close second, I’m actually angry with my own people. Oh, of course not you Black people. I’m talking about the niggas and Negroes that encircle us and seemingly cloud our Black judgment. Now this would be a good time to leave the room if you think you can’t handle what I’m about to drop.

U see them niggas run...? That’s exactly what I’m talking about.

The issue of illegal immigration has really become a hotbed issue in the last few months. There are myriad reasons why this is so, but I won’t bore you with those details because the reality of the matter is, the details don’t matter as much as the outcome. Blacks were screwed long before the nation noticed we had a problem with people sneaking across the border. To all my Mexican and Central American homies that are in the United States illegally, you should not take what I say personally. I would say the same thing to the Canadians if they were coming here illegally and speaking French at the Burger King drive-thru. You see the problem is not who is here, (I don’t care where anybody illegally “immigrated” from) I care about how many people have done it, and how many will do it today, tomorrow and the next day. I care how many are here, utilizing resources that should be set-aside for citizens. Furthermore, I care about how the U.S. government has failed its citizens while trying to hand out the great American sleepover. But above all else, I care about how Negroes have failed themselves.

I would cautiously assume that pretty much everyone has seen the film Titanic. Yes niggas, I know you saw it on bootleg video or DVD cause that’s how you do. Well, the issue of illegal immigration in America is akin to the real story of the Titanic in that:

a. A whole bunch of people are headed to the same place on a boat. The rich and White are treated grandly, while others are treated like second-class citizens or even steerage. African people know all too much about being steerage. It’s a wonder they didn’t try to make luggage out of our skin after they worked us to death. Cut to slavery: “Mah Daddy had this black bag made out of a nigger name Bartholomew.” Oh God!

b. Now the Titanic boat is the largest and grandest of all the ships of her day. “Unsinkable” is the term they use to describe her. Like America - right?

c. All is well until the captain (guess who) gets greedy and speeds up the ship. He tries to rush across the icy ocean instead of listening to the ship’s builder who advises the Captain to slow down. The Captain also fails to heed the warnings from other Captains traveling along the same hazardous path. “Don’t invade Iraq you idiot!”

d. Fuck! The Titanic’s lookout spots an “iceberg, right ahead.” But, it is too late and the liner’s starboard side slams into the frigid boulder of destruction. War on Terror…

e. Uh oh. Not enough lifeboats. Greedy ass ship owner (guess who) felt that lifeboats would take up too much deck space. Is that why America Online moved functions to Bangalore, India? American salaries took up too much check space?

f. Now you’ve got twice as many people as you have lifeboats. If you overload the lifeboats they too will sink. If you don’t put enough people in the lifeboats, more people will go down with the ship. Wise up my dear Negroes. You are steerage and there is no lifeboat for you. You are going down with the ship if you do not act. Now!

For some reason, colored folks just can’t seem to do anything in a timely fashion. I know this because I too suffer from the lateness affliction (to a degree) and that’s why I can speak on it. What’s worse, niggas have taken it upon themselves to decide that stupid is the new smart. A nigga will go to the snow without a jacket. A nigga will buy weed before the light bill gets paid. Oh I can’t go on because this is painful. Why can’t niggas and colored folks think ahead? The Baker on the Titanic knew the ship was going down hard. He grabbed some cooking sherry and ran to the boat deck. He couldn’t get into a lifeboat so he ended up in the water. But, before he found himself sloshing around the deep and freezing water, he drank the sherry. Guess what? He was one of only a few people pulled from the water alive.

In between hot comb appointments, Al Sharpton went ahead and wrote this article on immigration. Personally, I thought all the hoopla was about “ILLEGAL” immigration, but click the link to find out if brother Al is buying weed or stocking up on cooking sherry.

“Nigga is you an old man or an old woman? I forget!"


I wish I had some cooking sherry right now. I would drink down the whole bottle like it was Ripple. I do have some Zinfandel on the wine rack and this mess is so depressing that I think I’m about due for a swig right out of the bottle. Hey, remember this movie?

I know, I know, most of us would like to forget Arnold Schwarzenegger, but do you remember what he said in this film? My friends, he said: “You've just been erased.” Well Mr. & Mrs. Negro, you are being erased as we speak. I can’t really say what the final straw was that broke the Black back. I don’t think it was Tiger Woods’ great golf since he said he was cablinasian and that indicates Caucasian first. I would say it was when my hero Johnny Cochran won the trial for OJ, but that wasn’t that long ago and this plan has been in plot mode for decades. Maybe it was when one of you Negroes purchased the 1 millionth Cadillac or Mercedes Benz that things went over the top? Could have happened because of all those riots, or because of the mere existence of the Black Panther Party? I wonder if it was when Madonna put a Black Jesus in her Like a Prayer video? I don’t know, but whatever it was, one of us pissed the White man off so bad that he wants us gone. He wants us Erased. Sunk like a Battleship. Dead like good rap music. Shut down like a Black business. Hidden like our leaders. Forced into early retirement with little to no pension. Departed like the dearly. You ask am I finished yet? Humph, not nearly.

Coming Next: Part IV of IV – only by WASET

Saturday, May 20, 2006

New Orleans Re-Elects Chocolate Mayor

Congratulations are in order to New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin who was re-elected in an extremely close race.

Dear Mayor,

Please stay away from all small planes and open windows. I am sure the Bush Administration DID NOT want your black ass back in office. Way to go!!! Now please go ahead and make New Orleans chocolate again (minus the criminals and looters) so I can come back to Bourbon Street and get my party on. If you need back up, call me.


P.S. You need to ensure that citizens and residents of New Orleans are rebuilding the city. You know what I'm talking about. Holla Black! And by the way, I got your picture from CNN because Fox News had a really small picture of you in the corner of their front page and a big photo of a horse's ass front and center. Like I said Mayor, just be careful - Fox News doesn't care about Black people either.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

It's Cool Right?

Unh… huff …pant, pant…whew! Oh my God. Damn! Hey ya’ll. I thought I was alone. I hope I can trust you to keep what I’m about to tell you real close. I just robbed a bank. I know that sounds crazy, but I did it. I went in just before closing time and gave the teller a note. I told her, “no die packs and no plant money bitch, but gimme everything else in the drawer.” Looking back now, it was relatively easy. I didn’t even hafta hurt nobody. I don’t know why robbing is against the law. Damn! I’m still trippin’. I can’t believe I got away. I know that teller pushed the silent alarm, but I ran up out of that bank. I didn’t need a getaway driver either because I parked right next to the front door - in the blue handicapped space. They say you can get a $300 ticket because it’s illegal to park there.Oh well! I don’t care. Lots of things are illegal, but apparently they are forgivable these days so I should take advantage of it. As a matter of fact, I’m thinking about forgiving the white man for slavery. Hold up! Don’t get disjointed, I said I’m “thinking about it.” I’ll make my decision right after I go sell a few Jumbos of crack. Now that illegal is the new legal, I should get away with that too.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Out With The Old, In With The New!

“Get mad if you want, I won’t front…”
Too Short

The New Ni66a

Well, it happened. May 1st - (better known as Illegal Immigrant Demand Day) came and went with what appeared to be several hundred thousand people protesting in the streets of America in support of illegal immigration. Confusing? Yeah, I know it is, but be strong.

What really baffles me though is how people who aren’t even supposed to be here in the first place can have the audacity to start demanding shit from the people who are supposed to be here. Word on the street has it that some people at the protests were even spotted wearing shirts that said: “I’m Illegal, So What?” So what? You said it yourself - you’re illegal! Presumably, the issue is not that cut and dry, but before I delve deeper into the situation, let me point out a few positive things that came out of the May 1st day of protest.

1. There was a lot less traffic on the way to the office!

2. Black people finally got to work on time.

3. At the mall for lunch, I sampled just how few Black people had jobs. I counted seven (7).

4. Black students finally got some attention from their teachers – in English.

5. A Black person cooked my food at the soul food place I went to for dinner.

So after the release of part I of this expose, certain people began to go on and on and on about how I sound like a Republican on this issue and blabaty, blabaty blah. The same people who want to disenfranchise my view of the situation have also decided to express that they feel this issue of illegal immigration is no different from the civil rights movement of the 1950’s and 1960’s. Here’s a quote by some guy at the march in Rockford, IL.

“We as black people have faced unjust laws just like the Mexican community,” said Jeremiah Muhammad, 33, a member of the Nation of Islam. “They can’t divide the families. I can definitely sympathize with that because we as black people lived through the same things. I feel an obligation to stand with them.”

'Muhammad and others fear that if undocumented workers are to be classified as felons, as called for in a U.S. House proposal, families will be broken up as illegal mothers and father are jailed and possibly sent back to their country of origin while their children U.S. citizens by birth, stay stateside.'

What in Sam’s hill is he talking about? I think Jeremiah is worried about the wrong shit if you ask me. The black family unit is a red hot mess and he’s worried about the plight of the illegal alien family structure. I wonder if he will come to my protest when I hold a candlelight vigil to call for the end of Black people smoking crack, loitering in front of liquor stores and being lazy and shiftless. C’mon Jeremiah, join me.

Is it just me or is it stupid for people to get mad at the U.S. for having laws against illegal immigration when the countries that these people are coming from also have laws against it? You can’t just walk your ass into El Salvador and think you’re going to just start working in the pupusa factory. Hell, if an “immigrant” wants to work in San Salvador, he better have his AIDS test. You’ve got to prove you have been tested for HIV before you can get the okay to start selling sandals or putting up drywall over there. Oh, but not here in the USA. Here, you are free to sneak in with hoof and mouth disease and then immediately start cooking food at the San Diego Olive Garden. Help me; I’m confused!

Now back to this apparent link between illegal immigration and the civil rights movement. Just stop it right there! The issue of illegal immigration has NOTHING to do with the civil rights movement. What civil rights are illegal immigrants being denied? They can sit at any lunch counter they like. They aren’t being forced to the back of any bus. They aren’t being forced to work for low or no wages. There are no crosses being burned in their front yards. They aren’t being held captive. They aren’t being lynched. As a matter of fact, they have the freedom to march in the streets and demand that they get even more freedoms. So I say kiss my black ass and the asses of all my ancestors if you think otherwise. Do you think all this damn marching would even be taking place were it not for the Black people? Why don’t you ask someone who was beaten by the police or sprayed with the force of an industrial strength water hose in 1963 if they think the two issues are comparable. Sorry buddies, this is a whole new ballgame.

Here's a really odd question. Why didn't they try marching at home first? Wouldn't that have made more sense? Coming to the U.S. to march is like me saying:
"Damn it all to hell! You can have America. I don't need to fight for my rights as a citizen. I'm leaving and going to Dubai and demand citizenship there."
That ain't gonna happen by the way.

“But this country was built by immigrants.”
Dammit, I heard you the first five thousand times you said that. The problem with that statement is, we’re not talking about immigrants – this discussion is about ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS FOOL. And just to solidify my point, I haven’t talked to a legal immigrant yet that thinks it is "jive alright" for illegals to just hop over the border and then start cooking at the IHOP.

Let’s just be honest for once in our menial little lives. We know this issue stems from the White man’s greed and his need for the indentured servitude of the Latinos who scurry across the border, (mostly from Mexico, El Salvador and Guatemala). Basically, the White man needs a new ni66a. Nevertheless, for those illegal immigrants and their supporters to now claim that they have a right to commit unlawful acts because California, Texas, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, Colorado and New Mexico were once considered Mexican territory is not necessarily a valid argument.

Well howdy partner, why don’t you just slow ya roll for a second there. In 1848, Mexicans signed the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo in exchange for about 18 million dollars. That transaction gave the US control of all of the states mentioned above. Of course history is usually written in “white man person,” so what probably happened is that the Mexicans had to sell out in order to keep the rest of their land. Maybe it was a fuc*ed up situation, but at least they got paid for it. Hell, what did we get? Moreover, the territories that were taken by the US or sold by the Mexicans, (however you want to look at it) were not the property of “Mexicans” to begin with. That property belonged to the indigenous people of the lands who were basically obliterated by the Spanish and the rest of the Pilgrim invaders. Nevertheless, the true residents of the Mexican territories in question were not the people who we saw marching on May 1st. The true people of the Mexican territories that the Spanish Mexicans sold out at the end of the Mexican-American war were the Paiute, Shoshoni, Hopi, Pima, Yaqui, Tepehuan, Rara'muri (Tarahumara), Kiowas and Mayosare among others. If America is gonna give some free citizenship to somebody, start with them, if there are any of them left. In other words, if you can sho-show me that you’re part Shoshoni, then maybe your ass can stay.
(Note: the people with the casinos are NOT Mexicans.) Click the link to read more about the indigenous tribes of California:

A friend of mine came to me the other day and told me her story. She is a legal immigrant from South America who is getting married in a few months and her future husband lives in the United States illegally. She said that even if she marries him, the marriage will still not give him legal residency because he smuggled himself in. This guy works hard, pays taxes with a taxpayer ID number, but he can’t get a driver’s license because he snuck across the border. I really feel bad for both of them. She is my friend and I want to see her happy, but I had to tell her that I don’t agree that he should be able to come and commandeer citizenship. Her story is the story of many of the people who are rallying, but I had to be real with her. Are these stories sad and unfortunate? Yes. Does it change my mind? No. Although another story gets a lot less coverage, the Black people of Darfur are being starved and murdered in their villages on a daily basis, and they can’t just walk over here and start working in the fish market to feed their families. They just die.

I won’t dare lie and say that I don’t feel for all people who live in deplorable conditions. The people of Honduras, Guatemala, Mexico, El Salvador, Columbia and other places are extremely poor, but so are the people of Haiti who are Black and are turned back when they try to enter the great American dream. Why is one group allowed to break the law and another group told to go back home and suck it up? Is that fair? What would happen if a million Haitians marched through downtown Los Angeles? They would probably be rounded up and held as enemy combatants by the Department of Homeland Security.

This is all a crock of caca and folks had better realize it. If you look at the open borders closer, you will find that if the US government really wanted to keep people out, they would make it harder to come in. But they don’t. They don't have the National Guard on the case. There's no Army of one protecting this land. Well technically, there's probably one guy from border patrol being paid to watch the whole damn border while the Marines are over stealing oil from Iraq. Why? Think about it! They want a new nigga because you old niggas got out of control. Some of you got uppity and turned into Negroes while an even smaller, but smarter population of you even climbed the intelligence stairway and found yourselves turning into Black people. Who knew?

Coming Soon: Illegal Immigration - Part III (Can you handle the truth?)