Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Dummy of the Day

So if you know me well, then you just might know that I hate the Los Angeles Lakers. Hasn’t always been that way, but it is that way now and will stay that way as far as I am concerned. But, enough about me… we are joined here today to talk about the Dummy of the Day.

The day: June 14, 2009
The Dummy
: A Los Angeles Police Department Officer who we will call: “Aru”

I passed through the intersection of Slauson Avenue and Crenshaw Boulevard. Back in the day, Sunday nights on Crenshaw would be packed with young people cruising the strip of road between Rodeo Road and Florence Avenue in their Nissan Sentra’s and Mustang 5.0’s. Sadly, long gone are those fun days, so it caught me by surprise to see so many cars and so much hoopla going on up and down “the Shaw.” People were yelling, flying Lakers flags and most importantly, blowing their vehicle horns. I didn’t hear any gunshots or witness any unruly revelers, just people celebrating the victory of the team that I personally hate. I kept it pushing. I was headed to a friend’s house which was located 6.5 blocks from the intersection. When I arrived at my destination, I could still hear the various vehicle horns blaring from Crenshaw Blvd.

Around the same time, what I didn’t yet know was, another friend of mine was being pulled over by an LAPD officer. My friend was riding in the passenger seat of her Camry while her friend drove the car. They were on their way to pick up a family member. They were in the far right lane, headed south, preparing to make a right turn on Slauson Avenue. As they approached Slauson they passed a clearly marked police car which was on their left. In the police car was officer “Aru.” My friend’s vehicle stopped behind several cars at the Crenshaw/Slauson light near the check cashing place. When the light turned green, the police car merged behind my friend’s vehicle, hit his lights and sirens and forced them to stop in the driving lane – thereby impeding traffic.

Well, if it’s possible for me to make a long story short, I will try. Officer “Aru” pulled my friend’s car over and cited the driver for an apparent event of “unnecessary use of a horn.”

27001. (a) The driver of a motor vehicle when reasonably necessary
to insure safe operation shall give audible warning with his horn.
(b) The horn shall not otherwise be used, except as a theft alarm
system which operates as specified in Article 13 (commencing with
Section 28085) of this chapter.

The following would be my questioning of the officer at the LA Municipal Court (in my best Johnny Cochran voice}:

“Officer is your first name Aru? As in, are you f’ing serious? How is it that in a sea of cars and horns being blow at one time, YOU can tell which cars the sounds are emitting from? Oh yeah sure, I’ve heard of eyes in the back of one’s head, but I know that shit doesn’t exist. Now you want us to believe there are ears back there too?

Furthermore, you expect sensible people to believe that a teacher and a corporate professional woman are going to be blowing the hell out of a car horn right behind and/or alongside a police car, on Crenshaw Blvd? These are LA natives; they/we know how the beat goes down on Crenshaw! Or, should I say, how the beat down goes? Sure, there were a lot of people out there blowing horns that night. I saw and heard them myself. Nevertheless, you pulled over the Camry and actually wrote a ticket for something you claim to have heard with the ears behind your head? You claim to know that the Camry excessively blew its horn correct?

Wait, hold on! Perhaps you saw the driver of the Camry blowing the horn with the eyes in the back of your head? Was he blowing so ferociously with hand gestures such that it was obvious what he was doing? I find that hard to believe. Especially when if you look at Exhibit “A,” it is clear that a driver need only push down with one finger to blow a Toyota Camry’s horn.

Exhibit “A”:
Is it me or is the horn access well below the window line? No, don’t bother answering that one. It’s rhetorical!

Officer, is it true that there was a “zero tolerance” mandate on Crenshaw issued for that evening?

"As defined, a zero tolerance policy is: - any policy that allows no exception." If that is the case then there should be a record of hundreds, if not thousands of citations being issued by the LAPD for VC violations 27001(a.) and/or (b.) on the night of June 14, 2009 correct?

In fact, police should have been stopping people left and right. Right?

SIDEBAR: I wonder if a zero tolerance means different things for different people. For the Blacks on Crenshaw it meant no blowing horns…but what did it mean for the “people” who trashed the downtown area near the Staples Center while the police did nothing to stop it? Whoops, maybe it meant for the two Black people in the black Camry on Slauson and Crenshaw there is a zero tolerance policy - for anything and everything and well, nothing. Yeah, maybe that's what it means...hmmm?

Hey Coppers, somebody on the right has a horn…see it? It’s green.

What the F*** is the fire for?

So Officer, please direct yourself to the table in front of you. There you will find eight tape recorders. We shall push play and listen to a different type of vehicle horn on each tape. I will then ask you to identify which horn/sound you heard being emitted from the vehicle in question.

Everyone in the court gasps…and someone yells out “You got his a$$ now girl.”

Oh, by the way, the eighth tape has a recording of each of the seven horns on the previous tape superimposed on a loop so that all the horns are sounding at once. You know, similar to the way it was on the night in question.

You say it was easy to distinguish which cars were blowing their horns on the night in question? Oh, okay well, I will make it a point to come back to that topic in just a few moments...Sir.

We all know how this is gonna end so I will just skip to my closing paragraphs.

I wanna know what the hell was wrong with this Negro (Aru) that he pulled these people over. They weren’t out dippin’ in an Impala. They weren’t throwin’ up gang signs like SOME people (see photo above). And you wanna know what kills it; the officer told the driver that the driver was being an a$$hole when he questioned the officer on the validity of the citation.

Maybe instead of making this a “Dummy of the Day” piece, I should have called it an “I Wish A Nigga Would Moment,” cause the bailiff could sell tickets to my court date if I got a ticket like this. (Cue the music – Hall & Oats – “Maneater.”) And just in case you think I’m playing…I leave you with this bit of proof – Johnny Cochran style.

C L I C K T H I S L I N K:

W A S E T © 2009

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